This is an account of the time I was a children’s English conversation teacher. I was a children’s English conversation teacher between the ages of 21 and 23. I got the job offer in Vancouver, Canada and it is the reason (professional reason) that I came to Japan. I started on October 1, 2005, and quit after the third week of March in 2007. I was there for roughly 18 months.

This will be split up into parts. The first part will be my time at the Kenshu Center in Nagoya, Aichi. Kenshu means training, however, we didn’t call it the training center. It was the Kenshu Center.

I was eventually “stationed” in Kimitsu, which is a factory town halfway down the Uchibo (Tokyo bay) coast on the Boso Peninsula in Chiba Prefecture. Before that I had training in Nagoya, Aichi for two weeks, and after training I had a week of “hanging out” in Nagoya, Aichi before the company was ready to ship me out.

When I got to the airport in Nagoya (after an uneventful transfer at Narita), two other Vancouverites found me. They were on the same flight as me, and were also starting their Japan adventure. We were giddy with being at the brink (or over the brink) of the unexpected. The guy who was supposed to pick us up was late. He was a British guy who lived in Nagoya, had married a Japanese woman and had two daughters. At the time, I thought that was kind of lame.

The British guy eventually came, and we all got into the company van he was driving. In hindsight, I think I was trying to be more grown up than I was. Smoking pot in forests the last two years of my life wasn’t the best for my social skills. I think I made an impression of a bit of a weirdo, or perhaps someone who was very young. The two people who came from Vancouver were around 25. That seemed ancient to me. I looked down on them for throwing away their life at such an age to come to Japan I think. I was young and allowed to do such things.

I told the guy driving us that I had already started studying some grammar because that kind of thing is important. The guy said that I must be quite advanced then already. I was speaking as someone who had never understood what it meant to speak a language besides English. He picked up people at the airport all year long who had very naïve outlooks on Japan and the Japanese language.

The van we were in had that ETC thing all hooked up, so we were automatically going through ETC toll gates on the highway. I asked what ETC stood for and he didn’t know. I looked down on him for that. (I don’t know what it stands for after 10 years of living in Japan. Electronic something?)

We eventually arrived at the Kenshu Center, where we would be staying, around 9pm. My roommate had yet to arrive, so I was left to my own. I had carried a bunch of Gameboy Advance games with me, as well as a bunch of mp3 CDs for my mp3 CD player. (This is a discman that plays CDs with mp3s burnt onto them, as opposed to requiring WAV files.)

I listened to the Weakerthans and played Wario Ware I’m sure. I probably listened to that Against Me! song too: we’re going to force ourselves to live.

The next day in Japan was a Sunday. We were still free this day. I think I met a few more of the people that would be a part of our training group. We would watch movies together, go to the 100 yen store together to buy food, and basically become very close over this period. As we lived in constant contact with each other, we became very close very quickly.

I think it was on this Sunday that I went out to look for a video game store. I had my Lonely Planet guidebook, but I had not really learned any Japanese. I remembered that 行く(iku) meant “to go”. A family friend had taught me that before I came. “Grammar”.

I should mention that I had all my money in Japanese traveller’s cheques, and that no place conveniently located took Japanese traveller’s cheques. Canadian ones would have been no problem, but not Japanese ones. I remember going to a local bank and asking if they would accept them and they couldn’t speak English. Eventually one of them just said “no” strongly half laughing as they were doing it. At the time I was hurt by this and thought it was quite rude. I persevered though.

Anyways, at the video game store, I was looking for Mother1+2. I found it, and it was 2000 yen. I bought it right away. I was then getting a bit hungry and I went to the convenience store and saw they had a pasta or noodle dish. I bought this, and ate it as I walked down the street. I think people gave me dirty looks.

I later went to the same convenience store to buy a phone card. I called my parents fairly regularly I think. I didn’t have a computer at this time. We were told that we shouldn’t bring computers. In hindsight, that seems quite dumb, but perhaps it was when the times were changing.

There was an Internet café at the next station as well. I didn’t go there yet though. Nothing interesting happened there though, so it is inconsequential.

We met two people from the training group from the month before us. They mentioned going to bars and that they could even sleep with married women. The women just didn’t care they said. I thought this was disgusting, and even thinking about having sex was disgusting. Weren’t people supposed to pine and yearn for months before finally having the courage to ask someone out, then awkwardly make out with them in their bedroom (with the mother walking in a few times) before awkwardly having sex? Wasn’t that standard protocol? Wasn’t having sex with married Japanese women at the bar by the next station not standard protocol? Wasn’t that what bad people did?

Around this time, four of us in my training group wanted to find this amazing Japanese restaurant called Saizeriya. We had heard that it was amazing. We were armed with our Lonely Planet phrase books and we went out.

We couldn’t find it.

We eventually saw a man in his car at a stop sign, and we tried to ask him for directions using our Lonely Planet phrase book. He understood what we were saying, but we didn’t understand his answer. He eventually gave up and let the four of us get in his car. He drove us to Saizeriya.

Saizeriya is a “family restaurant” which was modeled after the American family diner I think. I’ve never been to an American family diner, so I can’t really critique anything regarding that. They had a “drink bar” (like KFC has/had in Canada) were you can get your own drinks, and they had Italian food. It wasn’t real Italian food. I forget what I got, and I’m sure I said some stupid thing to the other people. Al (one of the Vancouverites who I met my first day) had wanted to tip (he knew it wasn’t custom, but he couldn’t really believe it I think), and they got angry or ran after him or something.

On the second day (third day?), my roommate Jay came. I have very fond memories of Jay, and really really looked up to him. He also annoyed me sometimes for liking to tell lots of stories. Since I was always with him, I heard his stories more than once. I think I was half jealous that he had stories, and half annoyed that he wanted to show off so much. We eventually had a falling out. I regret that to this day. I think it was my fault.

I think I first met him when I came home from somewhere. I was still on a high from being in Japan (JAPAN!), and when I opened the door to my room (our room) at the Kenshu Center, I think he was brushing his teeth with a big smile. I think he enjoyed being a mentoring type, and I enjoyed having someone mentor me.

We first went to the 100-yen shop, and he showed me the pre-cooked rice that was a good deal (three meal portions for 100 yen). He also showed me natto, which he said was amazing, and that other foreigners can’t eat, but he can. I thought this was cool, so I decided that I could eat it too. Three packs of natto were also 100 yen. This means that one meal was about 66 yen for us. Cool!

He also loved melon bread, and therefore I thought I loved it too. I think it wasn’t until 6-10 months later that I realized that I actually thought it tasted horrible. It is way too sweet.

Our first day at work (on the Monday?) was this entrance ceremony. We were taught to say the words otsukaresamadesu to fellow (Japanese) colleagues. This sounded ridiculous, as the only Japanese that I knew was sayonara from the Ninja Turtles (Shredder used to say it), konnichiwa from somewhere, and food names (sushi, tempura, etc.).

I definitely did not have the balls to say the word to anyone. At the entrance ceremony, I think we all had to introduce ourselves in front of everyone to the company president. He understood English, but some people stuck an yoroshikuonegaishimasu at the end of what they said.

I did no such thing. I probably spoke with that dumb smile I have when I’m feeling nervous and ballsy for doing something completely normal.

(There’s no need to translate the above Japanese phrases.)

An important part of training was understanding the bus and train system. Each day of training after the first entrance ceremony was at a different classroom located somewhere in the suburbs of Nagoya or further (usually into Gifu, which I suppose could be considered the suburbs of Nagoya. I’m not well enough in the know to say anything authoritatively on the matter). We were led by our trainer- who was 24 (ancient)- who could ask in Japanese to strangers and train people if we were getting on the right train (fluent). Nagoya had a very confusing system of many different train companies where the same train line could have a different final destination, and depending on how fast the train was, it would only stop at certain stations).

There was one guy in our training group who came to look for a wife. I looked down on him. I think we all did. He was very nervous, and wanted to confirm the simplest most obvious things. However, he was very earnest. At one classroom we went to for training, he spilled his coffee on the carpet. This was the one classroom where the (Japanese) teacher in charge of the classroom hated allowing foreigner folks use it for training. The trainer was freaking out. The awkward guy’s cleaning method just made it worse. He was very apologetic. He didn’t get along with his family back home, and did not want to go back to them. He was Australian, and I imagined his family to bench-press wild boar in their free time. He brought a lot of medicine with him. I hope he found a wife and that they are happy.

There was another Australian guy who had decent taste in music. He liked Fugazi, but said their politics were a bit much. I wanted to make sure everyone knew I was political. They needed to know my Marxist beliefs and whatever else I believed. I made sure to strongly say I loved Fugazi for their politics, and that was their best part. I must have been fun.

Another guy was of Egyptian ancestry, but I forget where he came from. It may have actually been Vancouver. He left after the first day. He couldn’t take it. He missed his family. We took it as a person that needed to be evacuated. I imagine it was similar to the reality TV show Survivor when someone gets evacuated. This guy had cool long hair, and was quite hairy, but in a “I groom” sort of way, and not in a “I rock” sort of way.

I really enjoyed the training and basically acting like a kid. I loved to sing and dance, and to play all the games. There was the “train game” where we could run in a circle, and do different actions. I miss the train game.

Day 4 or 5 into training was our first time on our own. We were given a map and had to find the school and watch a real teacher teach real lessons. These schools were in the boonies, and required not only train taking, but also bus riding. I was impressed that all Japanese bus stops had their stop name listed at the front of the bus. However, they were usually four or five Chinese characters long. Let’s say something like 南船橋坂上. It wasn’t that, but it doesn’t matter. If it was that, I would look at the cross on the top of the first character, or only look out for the simple last letter. When getting off the bus, I would also show the paper I had to guide me to the bus driver (the paper was in English, but had the bus stop name in Chinese characters), and they said something like “okay okay”.

I remember after one of the practice lessons I did, the guy I was with got on his little scooter and sped off, and I was left to my own devices to find the station. I was completely lost, and I don’t think I had a map. I didn’t know the word for station or train, but only the name of the train station. I kept on asking people where it was (by saying the name with a raised intonation), and they would all tell me we were where I was asking about, as it was not only the name of the train station, but the name of the area. Eventually I remembered that train was densha, and some guy (at a gas station?) pointed me in the right direction. Later, two junior high school girls guided me all the way to the station. I had thought it was cool that I was seeing real junior high school girls in real junior high school girl uniforms and they were talking to me and talking me to the station. At this time I didn’t realize that this could be taken in an incredibly creepy way. When they left me on the correct platform (they were also taking a train), they said “bye bye” to me, and I was so touched that they would speak English to me. My mentor would later tell me that people say bye bye in Japanese too. I was still touched.

One night we all went to the local bar/restaurant (izakaya) place. One person was half-Japanese, or fully Japanese but from another country, and was being nice enough to order for people. I had asked him to order for me too, and he got annoyed and said I would have to do it myself. He was tired of ordering for all us shy folks perhaps. I ordered meekly, and somehow survived the ordeal.

Walking back to the Kenshu Center, I remember thinking later that I must’ve been an annoying drunk on that walk, but I forget exactly why. I think I was trying to sound cool, but it came across annoying. I never talked to anyone to confirm those suspicions, but I had them. Thinking back, I still have them.

I remember once feeling very overwhelmed with everything. This may have been after my roommate had stopped being my roommate. After our training, some of us stayed behind in the Kenshu Center because our placements were not ready yet. My roommate and I were both supposed to go to Toyama, about 15 minutes apart from each other.

Anyways, I was overwhelmed, I didn’t feel like having a beer in the bathtub, or try to learn the phonetic writing systems with Mother 2, and so I took out my mp3 CD player, and put on the Weakerthans’ Left and Leaving. With that I had felt myself coming back together. Nothing really deep, just simple songs like Aside or Watermark. “We’re talented and bright, we’re lonely and uptight”, not “true meaning would be dying with you” at this time.

I previously mentioned a beer in the bathtub because that is exactly what I did one night. I think my mentor had said that it would be a good idea to do so. I took a picture of this as well. Actually, thinking about it, I am not sure if I did this before he came or not. The beer I chose to drink was the cheapest one they had at the store. I believe it was called Draft One, but it probably wasn’t. It was a “type 3” non-beer for women who were watching their figure (or at least that was what the commercials said). As a man (boy?) against gender stereotyping, I embraced the non-beer and drank it all the time. I didn’t realize that it also tasted like shit because I really didn’t have a taste for beer, nor did I really ever drink that much beforehand.

I had earlier mentioned buying Mother 1+2, but I didn’t mention anything about it. The games were completely in Japanese phonetic scripts. I had asked a trainer (not my trainer though) whether all Gameboy games were, and he said he didn’t think so. I think I asked in an aggressive (why don’t you know?) sort of way. In Vancouver, I once asked a girl in order to be a dick what her favorite Pixies song was, knowing that she didn’t know the Pixies that well. This is something I won’t forgive myself for. Anyways, one day at night I decided I would study Japanese with Mother 2. My mentor thought that was impressive, and I liked his acceptance of what I was doing. It was completely hopeless though. I got to figuring out that my name would be クリス, and then just skipped ahead.

I had started studying Japanese in my second or third week at the kenshu center. My mentor said everyone studies katakana first, but that one should really study hiragana first. I studied hiragana first. I would write rows and rows of them. They’re separated into groups of five, and so I would do five at a time. It was really fun. I had planned to be fluent by the end of my year in Japan, and to be able to play video games no problem.

Mother1+2 was not the only video game I bought. I had bought a Super Famicom with Final Fantasy V. Final Fantasy V was a video game that was released in Japan in 1992 and never came out in English (well, it eventually did, but on the Playstation, and there were… loading times!). As I was an RPG dork as a child, it was something I had always wanted to play. In 1998 or 1999 there was the Internet, ROMs and all that stuff, but it was not the same, and I wanted to play it like it was meant to be played. I didn’t play it in Nagoya because it was all in Japanese and that got really boring really quick.

I mentioned at the very beginning that I was stationed in Kimitsu in Chiba near Tokyo. I mentioned later on that I was supposed to teach in Toyama in Toyama on the Sea of Japan in the Hokuriku region. Toyama had snow and mountains. I imagined sipping sake on a mountain while studying Japanese. Kimitsu is a factory town and suburbia and nothing interesting. However, as I’ll mention when talking about life in Kimitsu, it was in many ways the perfect place to live.

I was called into someone’s office, and they told me that I would be going to Kimitsu and not Toyama. I said that I wasn’t happy about this. I think this got me labeled a problem person, and my boss in Chiba was told about my attitude problem. She told me that one drunken night in Tokyo months later.

In training we visited actual classrooms five times. The first time we would just watch all the lessons of a veteran teacher (we would be visited veteran teacher classrooms), the second time we would teach one lesson, and by the fifth we would be teaching all the lessons. This would be an experience we interact with a foreign person who has lived in Japan long term, and get some sort of insight from them. This would also be the first time to be an actual “authority figure” to young children. Leading, commanding, and all that other stuff that English conversation teachers must do.

I don’t have a clear memory of each five places I visited. I remember my first time teaching (my second visit) I really had no idea what I was doing, and did the thing that horrible English conversation teachers do where they mumble things only for themselves, do not say anything to the children decisively and sort of just get through the lesson. I remember this teacher was a very casual “just do whatever man” type, until he saw how shit my lesson was, and he jumped in quite a bit. I don’t think that’s a good way to be. Another teacher whose classroom I visited didn’t really have time for me. I was new and wide-eyed, and he had been in Japan a full year and had his life all in order. He had an electric scooter and just rode away! I think this was the time when I got lost and the schoolgirls led me to the station. Another teacher had been teaching at Peppy for 13 years (which would be since 1992). He showed me a picture of the house he built (well, had built) and he was especially proud of the roof. He had an interesting relationship with the Junior class, and he said he knew the students since they were about six. I found it hard to fathom doing the job for 13 years back then, and honestly, I still do. He seemed happy though, which is great. Another teacher I visited (I believe this is the fourth I am remembering, which is amazing) was a woman, and a cool woman at that. She also liked live music, and enjoyed her life in Nagoya seeing bands and partying with her Japanese friends. I thought she was cool. I may have thought I had finally met a person who “got it”.

In hindsight, while everything was a whirlwind adventure of fun, I did definitely feel lonely, and part of my awkwardness was due to not having anyone that was like what a friend of mine back home would be like. People were more “normal”. No one danced in parks at night, had friends who wrote in a book to remember stoned conversations, or danced up storms at local ska shows. In that homesickness that I did not realize was homesickness, I may have latched onto that one teacher a little too much the night I went to her school, exposing (or expressing) a weakness in myself.

The month that I came to Japan, Propagandhi’s fourth album, “Potempkin City Limits” was released. I remember buying that in Sakae, and going back to my room in the Kenshu Center and listening to it. Nothing anyone gave a shit about, but it was something I was very excited about. However, the album actually took me years to get into.

Training had ended. We had to take a test. The test was very easy, and I believe everyone passed it. After training, I believe we had to stay in the office for 5 hours a day, or go and team teach. Team teaching was like training where we went to a classroom, but this time we went as equals, and not as lowly shits. In reality though, we were still lowly shits.

After training had ended, people had started going to their placements. We had all exchanged email addresses, and had all kept in touch. Eventually when we got to our location, we all got cell phones, and then would text each other back and forth. I had found this very fun.

Suddenly, I was supposed to start in Kimitsu, Chiba a week earlier than was originally planned. I had said good bye to my mentor, packed all my things in my backpack and my suitcase, and was once again on my way, feeling like I was going on an unknown adventure into a new world.

Going to Chiba was my first time using the JR Line. For whatever reason, each line had some distinct impression in my head. The metro was like a big SkyTrain system (the SkyTrain is Vancouver’s train system). It was familiar-ish. There was another train company called Kei-something. They were like a high-tech amazing SkyTrain system. I remember going to Gifu with them, and being surprised when the SkyTrain-esque scenery became the countryside. My view of the train had to be changed, because it was no longer really a big SkyTrain, but I think my head couldn’t deal with changing the neural connection or whatever at this time.

Anyways, this was my first time using JR. I took the metro from Hongo to Nagoya station. I got on the Shinkansen (bullet train). This would be my first time on a bullet train. I was very excited to ride it, but honestly after about 5-10 minutes of seeing everything go by very fast, it just became a normal train. It is interesting because I probably enjoy looking out the window on Shinkansen more now than I did then. I don’t ride them very often (once a year?), but when I do, I make sure that I’m on the side where Fuji is, and go along with Google Maps to ensure that I truly “feel” where I am.

The Shinkansen took me to Tokyo station, which was an experience I don’t remember. All I remember is that I had no idea how to get to Chiba from Tokyo. I went to various official looking people, and said “Chiba?” and they pointed me in the right direction. In hindsight, it may’ve made more sense to ask in English politely, but I was not smart enough to know that at this time. Such actions should make me more forgivable to how people sometimes act to me. We don’t always know what we should be doing, and something that makes us look dumb.

People kept on leading me further and further underground, and finally I found the train for Chiba. I got on the Sobu Rapid, and as I went from Tokyo to Chiba, I noted that there wasn’t really any change in the scenery. Perhaps the buildings got a little less tall, but they were not any less dense.

I eventually (in 45 minutes or so I’m sure) got to Chiba station, and went to the ticket gate. This is where I met my new boss, and the next part of the adventure began.