I thought this morning -as I was annoyed for being hungover- how would I feel if someone had invited Miley Cyrus over to my house for Christmas Dinner? Stupid thought, but whatever.

First, yeah, “Who the hell is Miley Cyrus?” She was a teen singer 10 years ago I think, and is now a grown up singer. I saw on YouTube 4 or 5 years ago that she did this cover of a song called Jolene or something, and it was decent. (It was actually very good, but I’m playing it cool.)

But who gives a shit, right? But you can’t be all “I don’t give a shit about you being an American celebrity”, because that may make her- your guest- feel like shit. So you gotta be tactful about that. You wouldn’t be all starstuck asking her to sign your whatever, but like, you know there would be that balance to make her feel welcome. “I believe you’re a famous singer, I liked that cover Jolene.” or something like that would seem to be of okay manner I guess. I probably couldn’t say it without being awkward though, or appearing to be unhappy, despite probably being happy. Well I wouldn’t be HAPPY happy, but I wouldn’t be pissed off like a cliche or something.

I mean, why is she coming to my house for dinner? I guess a mutual friend may’ve brought her, but under what pretext? Maybe she’s missing a real American Christmas Dinner, and so her friend knew I was having one and invited her along. What sort of assumptions or expectations would there be on that? Does she know I’m not American and have never really wanted to or even known how to do things in a normal way? Is she dying for a turkey and a ham in this “strange country”? If it was Christmas Eve, my family does bratwurst and potato salad, but I would probably not invite people over for that, so I guess it would luckily by Christmas Day.

I do like those old crooner Christmas songs, so I suppose that’s very American, and maybe she would feel welcome with that. I got Scott Weiland’s Christmas album, and it fucking rocks. There would be beers and wine and whisky available most likely. No one can shake their head at that. Well, the whiskey wouldn’t be expensive stuff, but Black Nikka isn’t bad or anything (the Laphroaig would stay in the closet.) If she was a non-drinker, there would be teas and whatnot then too. No pop though. Come now. That’s unhealthy. I don’t kill my guests.

Hopefully it wouldn’t be a silly Lost in Translation situation where she was craving something “authentic”. I always get the feeling those who want authentic stuff wouldn’t think I’m authentic enough. The chicken wouldn’t have been locally grown, and I wouldn’t be able to write the kanji for chicken from memory, or something. I haven’t seen that move in hundreds of years, so I’m probably misremembering it. I just have bad memories of people and authenticity. Being drunk and stoned at 2am at some Japanese restaurant in Mount Pleasant, Vancouver and having my buddy ask me if the rice was authentic. (It wasn’t, but who gives a shit? We just wanna eat man.)

Whatever, she could buy authenticity though. I’m assume she hasn’t gambled all her money away. She’s still a pop star, right? So a home cooked meal, but I’m not sure if I’m mature enough to provide that. I would like to be. It would be cool to be able to provide normalcy and stability I guess. To see someone come to your door, and to not only not ask any questions, but to not want to ask any questions or have any context, and to just accept them and to feed them and give them drink. To talk to them about what they want to talk about, and create an atmosphere away from the cold where people are together. Or something like that.

Hopefully we could do a Christmas walk to the local shrine. As it’s on a weekday, and it’s fucking cold, it should be dead and dark. Would be kind of cool though. If it was a clear day, we could probably see Fuji, which is always a plus.

Anyways, I’m still kind of hungover, and it sucks.